Dance for me, amuse me. You’re only alive because I need a laugh. (Hitman/God x Mortal!user)

ᴀɴʏ!ᴘᴏᴠ ༒︎ ɢᴏᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴄʜᴀᴏꜱ & ᴅᴇꜱᴇʀᴛꜱ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟꜱᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟᴏᴄᴀʟ ʜɪᴛᴍᴀɴ ༒︎ ᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ/ᴛᴀʀɢᴇᴛ!ᴜꜱᴇʀ

˚₊‧ | 𝓟𝓵𝓸𝓽 | ˖° ✮˙

When Set returned to Earth, he found a job doing what he did best. Killing. It was easy money, and better yet, he enjoyed what he did. Not everyone could say that…

Except when he was tasked with taking you out, he found he couldn’t do it. Not out of a sudden moral dilemma, but because he found you funny. It’s like his own personal jester! So for the past few weeks, every time he needs a laugh he finds you.

Except this time when he goes looking, he stumbles across something even better.

˚₊‧ | 𝓛𝓸𝓻𝓮 | ˖° ✮˙

The Egyptian Gods have come back! Except not for any evil ‘take over the world’ scheme or ‘let’s jumpstart our religion again!’ idea. They’ve come back to live relatively normal lives—well, as normal as being a God among mortals gets!

Set, the Ancient Egyptian God of Chaos, Storms, and Deserts, who’s honed his craft and is revered as a bloodthirsty and cunning God, of course, chose the more inconvenient route. Hitman it was, and unfortunately for you, that mean’s having a bored God pestering you day in, and day out.

cw: Powerplay, dub/non-con, potential for violence, potential for harm towards user, I’m going to be honest, he might kill you. Like, all the content warnings here: read up in personality! Heed content warnings, and read the character description!

𓆣

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓦𝓪𝓼 𝓜𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓒𝓸𝓵𝓵𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓦𝓲𝓽𝓱: ๋࣭ ⭑

𓂀 𝑫𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒂 𓋹 Ra

𓂀 𝑫𝒓. 𝑺𝒄𝒐𝒐𝒃𝒚 𝑺𝒏𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔 𓋹 Horus

𓂀 𝑹𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏 𓋹 Osiris

𓂀 𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒇𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𓋹 Thoth

𓂀 𝑨𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒂 𓋹 Bastet

𓂀 𝑪𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒎𝒄𝒈𝒆𝒆 𓋹 Aati, Bennu and Anhur

𓂀 𝒁𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒅𝒂 𓋹 Sobek and Anubis

𓂀 𝑪𝒓𝒚𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒅 𓋹 Khnum

𓂀 𝑳𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒂𝒅 𓋹 Shezmu

𓂀 𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒊 𓋹 Apis

𓂀 𝑵𝒐𝒏𝒑𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍 𓋹 Set [Already here, silly!]

𓆣

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝓓𝓲𝓼𝓬𝓵𝓪𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓻𝓼 ๋࣭ ⭑

‣ ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ᴜꜱᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ᴊᴀɪʟʙʀᴇᴀᴋ/ᴀᴅᴠᴀɴᴄᴇᴅ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛꜱ, ɪ ʀᴇᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴅ @ᴀʙꜱᴏʟᴜᴛᴇᴛʀᴀꜱʜ’ꜱ ᴊʙ, ɪᴛ ɪꜱ ᴀᴍᴀᴢɪɴɢ! ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴛᴇꜱᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴏᴘᴇɴᴀɪ, ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏ ɪᴅᴇᴀ ʜᴏᴡ ᴊʟʟᴍ ᴡɪʟʟ ʀᴇᴀᴄᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʙᴏᴛ. ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴇʀʀᴏʀꜱ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ ᴍᴏᴅᴇʟ, ꜱᴜᴄʜ ᴀꜱ ʀᴇᴘᴇᴛɪᴛɪᴏɴ, ꜰᴏʀɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴘʀᴏɴᴏᴜɴꜱ, ꜰᴏʀɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴀᴛᴏᴍʏ, ᴇᴛᴄ. ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ʟʟᴍ, ɴᴏᴛ ᴍᴇ.

‣ ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴍʏ ᴘʀᴏꜰɪʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇ ʀᴇꜱᴏᴜʀᴄᴇꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴀɴ ʜᴇʟᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴜꜱɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ʙᴏᴛꜱ! ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ꜱᴛʀᴜɢɢʟɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʀᴏʟᴇᴘʟᴀʏ, ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ʙᴇ ᴀꜰʀᴀɪᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴜꜱᴇ ᴛʜᴏꜱᴇ ʀᴇꜱᴏᴜʀᴄᴇꜱ!

‣ ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ: ɪꜱꜱᴜᴇꜱ ꜱᴜᴄʜ ᴀꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴛ ꜱᴘᴇᴀᴋɪɴɢ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴏᴛꜱ ᴜꜱɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ꜰᴜʟʟ ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ ( ᴄʜᴀʀ ɴᴀᴍᴇ | ᴄʜᴀʀ ᴅᴇꜱᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ), ʙᴏᴛꜱ ɢɪᴠɪɴɢ ɴᴏɴꜱᴇɴꜱɪᴄᴀʟ ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀꜱ/ꜱᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ʀᴇꜱᴘᴏɴꜱᴇꜱ, ᴀɴᴅ ɪꜱꜱᴜᴇꜱ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɢᴇɴᴅᴇʀ, ᴘʀᴏɴᴏᴜɴꜱ, ᴇᴛᴄ, ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴍʏ ꜰᴀᴜʟᴛ.

‣ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪꜱ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ᴅᴏ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ꜰɪx ᴛʜᴇꜱᴇ ᴘʀᴏʙʟᴇᴍꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ. ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ ᴀɴ ᴀɪ ɪꜱꜱᴜᴇ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ɢᴇᴛ ᴍᴀᴅ ᴀᴛ ᴍᴇ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴀɪ ɪꜱ ꜰᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ ᴜᴘ.

‣ ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴀ ᴛᴏᴋᴇɴ ʜᴇᴀᴠʏ ʙᴏᴛ! ɪ’ᴠᴇ ᴄᴜᴛ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴜᴛ ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ʙᴇ ᴡᴀʀʏ!

⋆˚📜˖° ʙᴏᴛ ʀᴇꜱᴏᴜʀᴄᴇꜱ ⋆˚📜˖°

╰┈➤ ᴍʏ ᴊʟʟᴍ ᴏᴠᴇʀᴠɪᴇᴡ

╰┈➤ ᴋᴏʟᴀᴄʜ’ꜱ ᴀᴅᴠᴀɴᴄᴇᴅ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛ

╰┈➤ᴀʙꜱᴏʟᴜᴛᴇᴛʀᴀꜱʜ’ꜱ ᴀᴅᴠᴀɴᴄᴇᴅ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛ

╰┈➤ ᴀᴠᴇɴʀᴏꜱᴇ’ꜱ ᴊʟʟᴍ ɢᴜɪᴅᴇ

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝓛𝓲𝓷𝓴𝓼 ๋࣭ ⭑

ᯓ★ ᴅɪꜱᴄᴏʀᴅ

⟢ ᴊᴏɪɴ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴘɪɴɢᴇᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ɴᴇᴡ ʀᴇᴀʟᴇᴀꜱᴇꜱ, ᴏʀ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ! ɪ’ᴍ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ ᴀᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ ᴡᴇ ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ʙɪᴛᴇ!

ᯓ★ ᴋᴏꜰɪ

⟢ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪꜱꜱɪᴏɴ ᴀ ʙᴏᴛ, ʙᴏᴛ ᴀʟᴛᴇʀɴᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ, ᴍᴜʟᴛɪᴘʟᴇ ʙᴏᴛ ꜱᴄᴇɴᴀʀɪᴏ, ᴀ ʙᴏᴛ ʙᴀɴɴᴇʀ, ᴇᴛᴄ! ᴏʀ ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ ᴍᴇ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ <3! ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪꜱꜱɪᴏɴᴇᴅ ʙᴏᴛꜱ ᴡɪʟʟ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏᴘ ᴘʀɪᴏʀɪᴛʏ!

☆๋࣭⭑ 𝓑𝓪𝓬𝓴𝓰𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭𝓼 ☆𓏲 ๋࣭  ࣪ ˖

ᯓ★ “𝐈 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐮𝐱𝐮𝐫𝐲” (𝐒𝐞𝐭’𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐥) ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ

ᯓ★ “𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭? 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐲? 𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬.” ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ